If you have more than one child, you know siblings are going to fight. Sometimes the conflict is short and inconsequential, others times...well, it's not.
In this episode Billy and Joy talk about goals for parents and kids for handling disagreements and managing three phases of conflict well.
Take a listen and, more importantly, talk to others about what you hear!
Related (ish) Links
Mattress and cars don't go together! Exhibit A - - here!
If you want more than Joy's passing guess on the Socratic Method, check here.
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One of the more emotional events for many parents is the process of heading back to work. Joy and Billy have navigated those waters for years and discuss managing guilt, the importance of having a family strategy, and establishing boundaries with your employer.
If you are walking this path, take a listen!
Related (ish) Links:
YKK padlock zippers are are thing... they are called key lock sliders.
http://www.ykkfastening.com/products/types/s_zipper.html
And, for the record, Joy DID receive a key for the beanbag. (Thanks Salesman Doug - - if that's your name!)
I love Shonda Rhimes take on being a working mom. If you haven't read A Year Of Yes, it's worth your time.
Talk About This:
What internal (family) priorities and practices we need to establish before heading back to work?
What external (employer/employee) expectations and boundaries do we need to have in place in order to make the new dynamics work?
You get on an elevator and run into some friends who are about to have a baby. They ask you for your best advice before you get to the lobby. What do you say? What wisdom do you give at a moment’s notice?
In this episode Billy and Joy offer five elements of their elevator pitch and while it’s not a complete list (we only have 20 floors in this imaginary building!), but it’s a start! Hop on board…
Related (ish) Links and Follow up
Words you like to say, Words you hate to say…
Chilean
Cattywampus
Cucamonga
Fastidious
The origin of the Mike Tyson quote is: “Everyone has a plan until they get hit.” was explained in the Sun Sentinel:
"People were asking me [before a fight], 'What’s going to happen?,' " Tyson said. "They were talking about his style. 'He's going to give you a lot of lateral movement. He's going to move, he's going to dance. He's going to do this, do that.' I said, "Everybody has a plan until they get hit. Then, like a rat, they stop in fear and freeze.' "
The correct Taylor Swift song is… Never grow up… lyrics here. Joy is still embarrassed she missed this!
We talk more about community in episode #7. Link is here
The exact Stephen Covey quote is "Begin with the end in mind" and is one of the principles from the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
The fabulous proverb Billy mentions is Proverbs 22:6
Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.
Talk About This:
How is what we are doing today helping us leading us to where we want to be tomorrow? How are our decisions now leading us to where we want to be.?
Ask people whose families you admire, what their elevator pitch is for parenting.
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Even when we know feedback strengthens relationships, in a marriage it’s easy to give input out of anger, at the wrong time, or to avoid the process entirely. In this episode we discuss practical steps for getting feedback from your spouse and how this process can strengthen your relationship.
Related (ish) Links and Follow up
CHICK-fil-A (emphasis matters) - But if you listen to the Oxford dictionary, maybe Joy is more right than wrong! (What do you think?)
http://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/us/pronunciation/english/chick-fil-a
A blog post outlining much of this talk is here:
http://joyphenix.com/blog/the-awkward-date-night/
Finally, as promised, here’s a list of the sample questions we discussed on the episode:
Sample Questions:
Remember to end with a couple of positive questions.
Bonus family questions (as mentioned)
Talk About This:
This week is all about talking through the questions above. Please GO for it!
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Whether you have intentionally set aside family connection time OR you have found yourself waiting together in an unexpectedly long line (coke freestyle machines, I’m looking at you!), make the most of the time by playing together. Today’s conversation is about some of our favorite, (mostly) mobile games that give you the opportunity to laugh together.
Related (ish) Links
How many hours does the average dog sleep?
http://www.petful.com/behaviors/how-long-dogs-sleep-average/
Algorithm a la Urban Dictionary…
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=algorithm&defid=8162210
Squiggly (make a picture) game
http://joyphenix.com/blog/keeping-dinner-fun/
License plate games
This post describes the license plate game along with a bunch of other road trip games.
http://joyphenix.com/blog/on-the-road-again/
Compliment game
http://joyphenix.com/blog/the-compliment-game/
Telephone on paper
http://joyphenix.com/blog/playing-telephone-on-paper/
Make up a story
http://joyphenix.com/blog/table-games/
Wikipedia challenge & Storytelling
http://joyphenix.com/blog/home-date-night/
Pee Chee folders (Did you have these growing up?)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pee_Chee_folder
Drawsomething
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Draw_Something
Tensies
https://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=tensies+game+rules&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8
Talk about this:
Tell us about your favorite games!!!
Every relationship has its tensions, but hanging with your in-laws has its own brand of intensity. While dynamics can vary wildly, a few basic principles can help any situation. In this episode Billy and Joy talk about a handful of “best practices” which are great foundations for healthy in-law relationships.
Related (ish) Links
Earl Gray is NOT English Breakfast Tea
https://blog.yourtea.com/earl-grey-vs-english-breakfast-tea/
Play the game – can you hear Mack, the yellow lab? He goes on a rolling escapade in the middle of recording ignoring all the pleas of our sound engineer (Billy).
This is a good article about the importance of trying to be empathetic
http://www.wsj.com/articles/why-you-should-have-more-empathy-1462210724
Boundaries are your friend! This is our favorite writers on this topic are Henry Cloud and John Townsend
Please subscribe AND leave a review on iTunes. It really helps others find us!
We don’t always realize both our kids AND our parenting are traveling through predictable stages. In fact, we go through the phases not once, but twice. In this episode Billy & Joy go through each stage so you will can recognize the challenges and realize that the "deja vu" you're experiencing is completely normal!
Related (ish) Links:
Backmasking a la Wikipedia
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Backmasking
The famous Farrah poster… you don’t need a link do you? How about this one to switch things up?
http://www.thebarbiecollection.com/celebrity-dolls/farrah-fawcett-doll-v7161
Subliminal messages
http://www.neuro-vision.us/wordpress/subliminal-persuasion/do-subliminal-messages-work/
Growth Stage – Stephen Glenn
Glenn’s most popular book is Raising Self Reliant Children in a Self-indulgent World
The book with the stages isn’t currently in print, but you can read the material on google books here:
The Three Stages
Cycle One
Discovery - Age 0-4
Testing Out – Age 5-6
Concluding – Age 9-12
Cycle Two
Discovery - Age 12-14
Testing Out – Age 15-17
Concluding – 17+
Talk about this:
Evaluate what stage your children are in and ask yourself what work do I need to do to make this stage better?
Thanks for listening! Remember to subscribe to Between Parents and leave a review on iTunes and share this podcast with others.
You can find us @betweenparents on Instagram and on twitter @joyphenix and @billyphenix
When life gets full it’s easy to slip into maintenance mode and drift into isolation. But isolation is terrible for our marriage and family. In this episode Billy and Joy talk about why we avoid being in community, why it matters and how we find connection with others.
Related(ish) Links:
The Jeep Wave – it’s a thing
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Jeep%20Wave
No one describes the shame issue better than Brene Brown. You should watch her TED talk here
http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame?language=en
Or pick up her book Daring Greatly
https://www.amazon.com/Daring-Greatly-Courage-Vulnerable-Transforms/dp/1592408419
“If you don’t have time to do it right, when will you have the time to do it over?”
John Wooden
Tim Ferris Podcast
http://fourhourworkweek.com/podcast/
“You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with” Jim Rohn
Talk about this: In your world, who is where you want to be? What are the tensions you face that you would want to ask them about? Make a plan to connect!
Are you taking your child on a airplane? Do you know someone who is about to travel with a child?
Do yourself (or them) a favor and listen to this podcast where Joy & Billy discuss some best practices for flying with little ones. (Hint: success is all about your pregame preparations)
Related (ish) links:
Would you rather?
Teaching kids to show respect
http://joyphenix.com/blog/teaching-your-kids-how-to-show-respect/
Thanks for tuning in! Please leave a review and share with your friends!
Why do we raise our family the way we do?
What influences us most?
In this episode Billy and Joy discuss the importance of digging into how our past is impacts our family, even subconsciously, and why it can be a problem. We’ll talk about paying attention to the “smoke” in our family and giving ourselves permission to live differently.
Related(ish) Links:
The whole nine toe story
http://joyphenix.com/blog/lessons-in-disobedience-forgiveness-consequences-through-a-missing-toe/
Ellie’s birthday campaign explained in her own words
http://joyphenix.com/blog/ellies-charity-water-13th-birthday-campaign/
If you want to learn more about Charity Water, go here
Thanks for checking us out! Remember to subscribe and leave a review!
“It’s not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship
that makes unhappy marriages.”
F. Niechze
Do you remember when you were first married and you felt good about connecting with your spouse? You enjoyed evenings together, having adventures, and in-depth conversations…then something happened.
For many people the “something” was having kids.
In this episode Billy and Joy talk about a couple of very practical (and admittedly unromantic) ideas for prioritizing your marriage.
Related(ish) Links:
Smoothie straws really are fabulous (especially when they are clean!)
Joy’s written a bunch of posts on this topic, here are a few you might like.
Three reasons your marriage needs getaways
http://joyphenix.com/blog/3-reasons-your-marriage-needs-getaways/
Creating a culture of awesomeness
http://joyphenix.com/blog/how-to-make-marriage-awesomeness-a-reality/
A little more encouragement for scheduling a babysitter!
http://joyphenix.com/blog/you-absolutely-need-a-date-this-weekend/
The short, fabulous book, When Work and Family Collide by Andy Stanley
Thanks for listening! Remember to leave a review on iTunes and share this podcast with others.
Disagreement and tension SHOULD exist between parents and kids.
Where there is friction, there’s an opportunity for learning. Where there’s tension and disagreement, there’s an opportunity to develop emotional intelligence in our kids.
If you’re like us, you probably don’t like the idea that conflict is a necessary part of parenting. In this episode we’ll unpack an article by Lisa Damour which shifted our perspectives on why conflict is a good thing.
Related(ish) Links:
Caramel – there’s more than one way to say this word INCLUDING keeping the second a silent!
http://blog.oxforddictionaries.com/2015/06/9-pronunciation-arguments-you-can-stop-having/
Carmel by the Sea doesn’t have the extra “a” but it DOES have fabulous beaches!
http://www.wikihow.com/Organize-Your-Backpack
The article we are discussing today by Lisa Damour is here
http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2016/03/16/the-best-way-to-fight-with-a-teenager/?_r=0
My more detailed review of Lisa Damour’s book, Untangled
http://joyphenix.com/blog/book-review-untangled/
And if you want to read the book for yourself (and you should!), here’s the Amazon link
For the record…Joy missed a word that Billy clearly understood!
Ne’er-do-well
http://www.dictionary.com/browse/ne-er-do-well
Remember to leave us a review on iTunes!
Wouldn’t it be great to have gauges on our kids telling us how we are doing? Wouldn’t you love to know if your approach to raising kind, healthy, and wise kids was actually working?
We all crave measurement and feedback, but the input in slow in coming. In this episode Billy and Joy talk about the temptation to drift toward things with numbers. They discuss questions we might ask ourselves about what we really value and offer reminders about dangerous comparisons.
Related(ish) Links:
How to hang a roll of toilet paper:
http://mentalfloss.com/article/67036/proper-way-hang-roll-toilet-paper
A far too lengthy Wikipedia post about toilet paper:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toilet_paper_orientation
Salad Days – it’s a thing
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Salad_days
How to properly pack a school backpack
http://www.wikihow.com/Organize-Your-Backpack
Thanks for joining us!
Welcome to Between Parents!
Parenting isn't easy and many people feel stress with their kids, tension in their marriages, or isolation from community. In this first episode Billy and Joy introduce themselves and discuss what listeners can expect from this podcast. The goal for these chats is to create starting points for parents to broaden their inputs and raise ideas which prompt helpful conversations between parents. (See what we did there?)
We'd love to hear from you.
You can reach us
Or follow on twitter
@joyphenix
@billyphenix
More importantly, download another episode and/or subscribe to add more input into your parenting adventure!