What if what you believe about marriage is a lie? Would you want to know the truth in advance?

In today’s episode Billy and Joy step through 10 common lies about marriage. Perhaps we should issue a #spoileralert

Talk about this:

Which lies are we most susceptible to believe?

Depending on your answer, have MORE conversations about those topics!

For marriage veterans, which lies did we miss?

Related-ish links:

In case you want the same toilet paper as Beyonce… shop Renova here.

Both quotes from this episode come from Tim Keller’s book, The Meaning of Marriage

We mention several back episodes of Between Parents

#35 – Four Terrible (But Really Romantic) Marriage Thoughts 

#45 - Let's Talk About Sex: Marriage Edition

#7 – Don’t Do Life Alone

Also remember:

Check out our new website @betweenparentspodcast.com

Also, tag someone who you think would like this episode on one of the socials! Or leave a review! It’s an easy way to invest in others and we really appreciate the support!

You can find us @betweenparents on instagram and @betweenparentspodcast on Facebook. We love hearing from you!!

In our last episode Joy detailed her list of what wives really want their husbands to know, so now it’s Billy’s turn. Of COURSE this list isn’t all-inclusive and, to be sure, some of it may not be relevant to you (especially #9), but hey – it’s a great start!

Talk about this:

Wives, ask your husbands if any of these reflect his feelings!

Also remember…

Tag someone who you think would like this podcast on one of the socials! Leave a review! It’s an easy way to invest in others and we really appreciate the support!

While there’s no instruction manual for marriage, it’s not uncommon for spouses to have a mental “wish list” of things they wish their spouse understood. In this week’s episode Joy has taken a stab at fifteen such “things.” Maybe you’ll agree - -maybe you won’t. Either way, it should prompt some good discussion!

Guys – don’t worry. Next week Billy will have a chance to share his list!

Talk about this:

Husbands, ask your wives if any of these things reflect her feelings!

Also remember…

Sharing is caring! If you enjoy Between Parents, please share with your friends. Tag someone on the “socials” or repost. We are on Facebook @betweenparentspodcast and you can chat back with us on Instagram @betweenparents or on Twitter @between_parents

In the throws of new love, dating, and then engagement, it’s easy to lose sight of what it takes to start a marriage well. What do you need to focus on and what needs to be minimized? In this episode Billy and Joy discuss eight things every couple should do before tying the knot!

Related Links:

Our conversation about how family of origin impacts marriage HERE

Talk about this:

If you're engaged or dating someone, which of the 8 steps are you missing? What's the next thing you could do to make your way through the list?

If you're already married, it's not too late to address many of the issues on this list...which ones do you feel like you would benefit your relationship now?

Also remember…

Sharing is caring! If you enjoy Between Parents, please share with your friends. Tag someone on the “socials” or repost. We are on Facebook @betweenparentspodcast and you can chat back with us on Instagram @betweenparents or on Twitter @between_parents

In the throws of new love, dating, and then engagement, it’s easy to lose sight of what it takes to start a marriage well. What do you need to focus on and what needs to be minimized? In this episode Billy and Joy discuss eight things every couple should do before tying the knot!

Related Links:

Our conversation about how family of origin impacts marriage HERE

Talk about this:

If you're engaged or dating someone, which of the 8 steps are you missing? What's the next thing you could do to make your way through the list?

If you're already married, it's not too late to address many of the issues on this list...which ones do you feel like you would benefit your relationship now?

Also remember…

Sharing is caring! If you enjoy Between Parents, please share with your friends. Tag someone on the “socials” or repost. We are on Facebook @betweenparentspodcast and you can chat back with us on Instagram @betweenparents or on Twitter @between_parents

In marriage awesome communication doesn’t just happen. It’s not like falling off a bike; it’s something you work for. Can you make the process easier? Where do you begin? In this episode, Billy and Joy suggest you start with five essential ground rules. Take a listen!

Talk about this:

Where do we think our current communication patterns came from? Is that a good or bad thing?

Are there any ground rules we don't routinely observe? How can we do better?

Are there other ground rules we need to discuss and establish? If so, what are they?

Related Links:

Awkward Date Nights – article HERE podcast #11 HERE

He speaks / She speaks article from Psychology Today HERE

Also remember…

Between Parents is now on SPOTIFY!!! Yup… So if you’re recommending this podcast to someone who may not be using more typical podcast platforms, send them over to Spotify!! Of course you can still find us on Apple podcasts, SoundCloud, Tune-In (use this platform from Alexa – so cool!), Overcast, and Stitcher. If for some reason you can’t find us on a different platform, please let us know and we’ll chase it down!

Between Parents is on “The Socials” too!

Of course we are on Facebook. If you like the page you’ll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast

You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents

While most people think marriage should be marked by unconditional love, the idea of unconditional respect isn’t usually a “thing.” Why is that? Is it possible to love when you don’t give your spouse unconditional respect? Billy and Joy chat about how respect impacts your marriage.

Talk about this:

What do I do that makes you feel MOST respected?

Do I have any habits that make you feel disrespected?

What specific practices or habits can WE do to foster better avenues to convey respect for each other?

Also remember…

Between Parents is now on SPOTIFY!!! Yup… So if you’re recommending this podcast to someone who may not be using more typical podcast platforms, send them over to Spotify!! Of course you can still find us on Apple podcasts, SoundCloud, Tune-In (use this platform from Alexa – so cool!), Overcast, and Stitcher. If for some reason you can’t find us on a different platform, please let us know and we’ll chase it down!

Between Parents is on “The Socials” too!

Of course we are on Facebook. If you like the page you’ll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast

You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents

FINALLY – leave us a review on Apple Podcasts (formerly know as iTunes). This is a SUPER helpful way for increasing our reach and helping others find us. #sharingiscaring ; )

Thanks for listening!

When you live in close proximity to someone, particularly a spouse, eventually that person will annoy you. What do you do with this irritation? Is it avoidable? Is there a way to short-circuit the process and not be so easily frustrated? Billy & Joy serve up some ideas in this episode, so have a listen!

Talk about this:

Today's question is REALLY high on the vulnerability scale - Perhaps it's good for an awkward date night (episode #11) - but this question is WORTH the awkwardness...three ground rules:
Ask sincerely
Listen without being defensive
If necessary, close by apologizing

Ready? Here you go… ask your spouse, “When are you most likely to you feel that I am annoyed by you?”

Also remember…

We are on Facebook! If you like the page you’ll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast

Have you left a review on Apple Podcasts (formerly know as iTunes)? This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with Apple Podcasts, Overcast, and Stitcher, and TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon’s Alexa), Between Parents is now on SoundCloud! You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents

Thanks for listening and sharing this podcast with your friends!

Extra-marital affairs can be ruinous to marriage, family, and self-esteem and yet they are familiar parts many storylines. Is it possible to stop them from happening in the first place? In today’s episode Billy and Joy talk about factors that erode our relationship and what we should focus on to keep our marriage strong.

Talk about this:

How much do we talk about our temptations as a couple? How much do we talk about what concerns us? How can we be better?

In what areas might I/we be "eroding?"

Is there any practice or mindset that might leave us more exposed to having affairs?

Related links:

The Art of Manliness podcast #179 The Science of Cheating is excellent although NSFW due to topic. (here)

Pornography and broken relationships in Psychology Today (here)

Guardrails – Message 3 Forever Yours (here)

Also remember…
We are on Facebook! If you like the page you’ll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast

Have you left a review on Apple Podcasts (formerly know as iTunes)? This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with Apple Podcasts, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon’s Alexa). You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents

Thanks for listening and sharing this podcast with your friends!

Have you ever looked at your spouse cross-eyed and wondered, “Why are you like that?” only to meet their family and then understand? In this episode Billy and Joy talk about how our family of origin impacts our marriage and why we need to get this connections out in the open. They discuss triggers and how to build empathy through understanding our background.

Talk about this:

1. How do you think your/my childhood home influences our home and marriage... for better or worse? What seems to be a specific tension for us?
2. What tendencies are responses TOWARD upbringing? What tendencies are responses AWAY from upbringing?
3. What is the healthiest way forward for use to address these tensions?
4. What are some good prompts, agreements, or reminders we can use to short-cut the impact of the negative habits?

Also remember…
We are on Facebook! If you like the page you’ll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast

Have you left a review on Apple Podcasts (formerly know as iTunes)? This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with Apple Podcasts, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon’s Alexa). You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents

Thanks for listening and sharing this podcast with your friends!

Are you engaged or recently married? Do you know someone who is? Or have you been married for a while and forget all of the helpful newlywed tips? Take a listen as Joy & Billy review 21 quick bits of advice for how to get marriage off to a great start!

Spoiler… here’s the list!

1. Go to bed at the same time
2. No device in the bedroom
3. Do unpleasant tasks together
4. Hang out a lot together. (Aim for inefficiency)
5. Create shorthand triggers
6. Nest together
7. Practice your faith together
8. Prioritize community
9. Serve together
10. Observe the 10-to-10 rule
11. Think about “being kind” rather than “being nice”
12. Avoid major cash outlays in the first year
13. Also avoid major new time commitments
14. Have a plan with the in-laws
15. Give yourselves time to grow – pace yourself
16. Commit to NO conversations in your head!
17. But don’t say EVERYthing!
18. Don’t lose yourself
19. Date your spouse
20. Sneakaway with your spouse
21. Assume good intentions

Talk about this:

If you're a newlywed or engaged, review the ENTIRE list with your spouse/fiance and talk about which areas might be challenges for you.

If you've been married for a while talk to your spouse about which of these YOU find most challenging.

Also remember…
We are on Facebook! If you like the page you’ll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast

Have you left a review on Apple Podcasts (formerly know as iTunes)? This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with Apple Podcasts, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon’s Alexa). You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents

Thanks for listening and sharing this podcast with your friends!

No one likes to be picked at…but criticism is especially deadly in marriage. In this episode Billy & Joy challenge you to try and see your critical habits in the mirror and to consider the impact they have on your marriage.

Talk about this:

What critique hurts more than others?

What critiques feel like personal preferences?

What criticisms are good advice, but delivered poorly?

What topic/issue is most important to you?

How does your wiring impact the way you communicate?

Also remember…
We are on Facebook! If you like the page you’ll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast

Have you left a review on Apple Podcasts (formerly know as iTunes)? This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with Apple Podcasts, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon’s Alexa). You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents

Thanks for listening and sharing this podcast with your friends.

Whether we acknowledge it or not, sex is more than just a physical act. In today’s episode, Billy and Joy discuss nine intimacy principles that impact every relationship and then they tee up a list of questions that should open the flow of communication. Take a listen and, more importantly, have a chat!

Talk about this:

1. What eternal factors seem to affect our sex life the most … (schedule, low energy, distractions are a few suggestions)? What are some ideas to manage them?
2. What from our past (individually or together) seems to affects our sex life the most? What are ideas to deal with them in a healthy way?
3. What impact does body image plays into our sex life?
4. With 10 being “best ever” and 1 being “very poor,” how would you rate our communication about the feelings / thoughts regarding our sex life? What are some ways that we can communicate better?
5. What are some things you enjoy most about our sex life? What could I do to help you enjoy it more?
6. Is there something you desire sexually that I can help fulfill?
7. Are there moments you are uncomfortable sexually? If so, what can I do to help?
8. What boundaries do we or should we have in place to protect our intimacy?
9. What role do you think that our natural wirings (either as male, female, or simply individuals) play into our sexual desires or habits?
10. How well does our sex life fit into your expectations? Are there things we need to do differently to better manage our expectations? If so, what are they? 

Also remember…
We are on Facebook! If you like the page you’ll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast

Have you left a review on Apple Podcasts (formerly know as iTunes)? This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with Apple Podcasts, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon’s Alexa). You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents

Thanks for listening and sharing this podcast with your friends!

Writer Stephen Covey said, "The enemy of the 'best' is often the 'good.'" This is certainly true in marriage as couples often lose what’s best while they do what’s good. In this episode Billy and Joy discuss how marriages often develop ruts and how couples can make changes to keep relationships fresh. 

Talk about this:

What are your ruts?
What do you miss?
What do you wish you did more of / less of?
What is your plan to jump out of ruts?

Related(ish) Links:

Table Talk Conversation Starters - here

Also remember…
We are on Facebook! If you like the page you’ll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast

Have you left a review on Apple Podcasts (formerly know as iTunes)? This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with Apple Podcasts, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon’s Alexa). You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents

Thanks for listening and sharing this podcast with your friends!

Did you pick up the dry cleaning? Have you walked the dog? Did you pay the bill? Every day we ask our spouse a list of questions, but most of them don’t impact our relationship. On this episode, Billy and Joy talk about one question that has the ability to improve EVERY relationship.

Take a listen and ask your spouse this simple, impactful question!

Talk about this:

What are your least favorite family chores/activities?
What chores feel tedious?

How well do we notice when our spouse needs help?

AND FINALLY….

How can I help?

Also remember…
We are on Facebook! If you like the page you’ll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast

Have you left a review on Apple Podcasts (formerly know as iTunes)? This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with Apple Podcasts, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon’s Alexa). You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents

Thanks for listening and sharing this podcast with your friends!

Was Jerry McGuire right? Does marriage really “complete” us? We have all heard ideas about marriage that bear little resemblance to the realities of our relationships. In today’s episode Billy and Joy kick four myths to the curb and offer some more practical insights on what having a spouse really means.

Talk about this:

Which myth did or do we currently believe? In what way do we need to ground our marriage in a more healthy reality?

Related link:

The Tim Keller series Billy mentions in the episode was eventually turned into a book that we love called The Meaning of Marriage. Click here.   

Also remember…
We are on Facebook! If you like the page you’ll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast

Also have you left a review on iTunes? This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with iTunes, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon’s Alexa). You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents

Thanks for listening and sharing this podcast with your friends!

Abandonment, infidelity, abuse – it’s easy to name big issues that undermine relationships, but what about the little things? In this episode Billy & Joy talk about seemingly small habits and blind spots which can also threaten the health of our marriage. We call these behaviors “mosquitos” because while their stature is small, their negative impact is considerable.

Related(ish) Links:

Mosquitos are seriously the deadliest animal in the world. Check THIS out.  

Talk about this:

Identify the threats and consider, what are some of the “mosquito-sized” threats in this particular season of our marriage? (Remember, the threats can change throughout your marriage.

Consider…

Quantity AND consistency of time

Failure to celebrate your spouse

Lingering resentments/keeping score

Failure to be a student of your spouse

Unidentified or unaddressed issues from the past

A lack of self-awareness

What are the practical ways we can “swat ‘em?”

Also remember…

We have a new Facebook page! If you like the page you’ll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast

Finally - Please leave us a review on iTunes. This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with iTunes, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon’s Alexa). You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents

Sometimes marriages flounder and fail because little weeds grow into big weeds; small problems become huge problems. In this episode Billy and Joy talk about five often-overlooked threats to marriage and adjustments we can make to mitigate those threats. Take a quick listen and remember to talk to your community about these questions!

Talk about this:

• How have your expectations lead to tensions in your marriage?
• In what areas of your marriage are you most likely to think “me first?”
• If you could spend a season with a counselor, what area of your life would benefit from the attention? What is stopping you from seeing someone?
• Does your spouse feel as if they are first in your life?
• What bad habits of yours have impacted your marriage?

Also remember…

Please leave us a review on iTunes. This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show.

Along with iTunes, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon’s Alexa). You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents

Even when we know feedback strengthens relationships, in a marriage it’s easy to give input out of anger, at the wrong time, or to avoid the process entirely. In this episode we discuss practical steps for getting feedback from your spouse and how this process can strengthen your relationship.

Related (ish) Links and Follow up

CHICK-fil-A (emphasis matters) - But if you listen to the Oxford dictionary, maybe Joy is more right than wrong!  (What do you think?)

http://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/us/pronunciation/english/chick-fil-a

A blog post outlining much of this talk is here:

http://joyphenix.com/blog/the-awkward-date-night/ 

Finally, as promised, here’s a list of the sample questions we discussed on the episode:

Sample Questions:

• If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?
• Have I done anything to hurt you recently? If so, what?
• Do any of my friendships make you uncomfortable?
• What’s one thing that I do that bothers you that I don’t seem to realize?
• Is there anything that you’re nervous to talk to me about? If so, what?
• In what ways do you ever feel disrespected by me?
• In what ways would you like to change our level of emotional intimacy?
• In what ways would you like to change our level of physical intimacy?
• In what ways do I cause you to feel unloved?
• Do you have any secrets that you’ve been afraid to tell me?

Remember to end with a couple of positive questions.

• What do you think we are doing well?
• What do you love most about our marriage these days?

Bonus family questions (as mentioned)

• What could I do to be a better parent?
• What could I change to make our relationship better?

Talk About This:

This week is all about talking through the questions above. Please GO for it!

 If you haven’t left us a review yet, please do so!!

 “It’s not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship
that makes unhappy marriages.”
F. Niechze

Do you remember when you were first married and you felt good about connecting with your spouse? You enjoyed evenings together, having adventures, and in-depth conversations…then something happened.

For many people the “something” was having kids.

In this episode Billy and Joy talk about a couple of very practical (and admittedly unromantic) ideas for prioritizing your marriage.

 Related(ish) Links:

Smoothie straws really are fabulous (especially when they are clean!)

https://www.amazon.com/Assorted-Colors-Smoothie-Straws-Pieces/dp/B01JQJYAM4/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1476478914&sr=8-3&keywords=smoothie+straws

Joy’s written a bunch of posts on this topic, here are a few you might like.

Three reasons your marriage needs getaways

http://joyphenix.com/blog/3-reasons-your-marriage-needs-getaways/

Creating a culture of awesomeness

http://joyphenix.com/blog/how-to-make-marriage-awesomeness-a-reality/ 

A little more encouragement for scheduling a babysitter!

http://joyphenix.com/blog/you-absolutely-need-a-date-this-weekend/ 

The short, fabulous book, When Work and Family Collide by Andy Stanley

https://www.amazon.com/When-Work-Family-Collide-Cheating/dp/1601423799/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1477060882&sr=1-1&keywords=when+work+and+family+collide

Thanks for listening! Remember to leave a review on iTunes and share this podcast with others.