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Between Parents

This podcast is a dialog about challenges and opportunities parents face as they raise kids, enjoy marriage, and live a purpose-filled life. These honest conversations give parents fodder so they can talk to each other, be encouraged, and recognize they aren't raising kids alone.
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Aug 28, 2018

Welcome to the triple digits everyone! Thanks for coming along on this journey with us. Today we’re doing a “highlight reel” featuring the themes of this podcast. If you’re new to this podcast (or passing it along), below are a few links to episodes that touch on these themes.

Enjoy!

Joy’s Themes

  1. Greatest compliment you can give someone is to enjoy their company! 

  Episode sampling: 

Best Way to Destress Your Family 

Enjoying the Middle School Years

101 Fun Things to Do as a Family

Enjoying Your Family 

  1. Be a team

  Episode sampling: 

Creating Your Family Identity

Marriage as a Team Sport 

  1. Put issues in front NOT between 

Episode sampling:

Five Questions About Marriage

Forgiveness in Marriage

  1. Strategies are your friend

Episode sampling: 

Can You Affair-Proof Your Marriage

Parenting With A Positive Vision

  1. Margins Matter (so build them into your life!)

Episode sampling:

When Is It Time To Quit?

Awkward Date Night

Billy’s Themes

  1. Know thyself.

 Episode sampling:

Discovering Your Default Operating Systems

Practicing Vulnerability In Marriage

  1. Don't do this alone.

 Episode sampling:

Don't Do Life Alone

10 Newborn Principles

  1. Be the one that models the way to be in conflict.

 Episode sampling:

Respect in marriage

Fighting With Your Kids 

  1. Keep the long view.

 Episode sampling:

Keystone Habits For Healthy Families

Erasing Fear From Parenting

  1. Make the most of the time you have.

Episode sampling: 

One Piece of Data That Blew Our Minds

A Parent's Most Fundamental Role

 

Please remember to share with others!  Thanks for being here and listening along!   

 

*but not in a parental advisory, creepy kind of way!

Jun 12, 2018

Have you ever noticed how often friendships drift apart after people get married? Why is this a consistent pattern? Why don’t friends stick around after the “I do” is said?

In this episode Billy and Joy discuss the benefit of having a diverse circle of friends whether you’re married or single. Take a listen!

Talk about this:

How well are we cultivating friendships with people who have a different marital status?

What "benefits" seem most applicable to our lives?

What "bad behavior" are we most likely to indulge?

Related Links:

Nearly & Newly Podcast Package HERE

Say Goodbye to Hollywood HERE

Also remember:

We love hearing from you. Reach out on the socials @betweenparents on instagram and @betweenparentspodcast on Facebook. While you’re there, tag someone who would also enjoy this content! Thanks for being awesome!

Apr 3, 2018

Everyone keeps score. Our brains are hard-wired to categorize even when it comes to grading our children or marriages. So when someone asks, “how are you doing” what do you use for your scorecard?

In this episode Billy and Joy discuss the perils of focusing on micro gauges and limiting our evaluations to tangible measures. If you are walking through challenging days, you will definitely appreciate this discussion.

Talk about this:

How do you we currently "score" our family or marriage? How confident are we in the criteria we are using?

What SHOULD we be using to score our relationships?

Related link:

We love Seth Godin – his blog is here…do yourself a solid and check him out!

Dec 5, 2017

When our kids are little, it’s easy to understand how attitudes and dispositions are “just a phase.” But somewhere between 10-14 there’s a shift and we recognize that a “phase” may actually be a more permanent feature. In today’s episode Billy and Joy discuss settling up with our kid’s flaws and adjusting our approach to the kids we have, not to the kids we dreamed about!

Talk about this:

Are there any areas where we need to acknowledge that our kids "phase" is something closer to part of their hard wiring?

What can you do to prepare to parent your "imperfect" kids with the right balance of acceptance and coaching?

How often do I work under the subliminal pressure that my kid (or kids) must be perfect? Where does that come from? How can I find a healthier stance?

Also remember…

We are on Facebook! If you like the page you’ll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast

Have you left a review on Apple Podcasts (formerly know as iTunes)? This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with Apple Podcasts, Overcast, and Stitcher, and TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon’s Alexa), Between Parents is now on SoundCloud! You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents

Thanks for listening and sharing this podcast with your friends!

Nov 28, 2017

Bored much? Tapped out of ideas for family fun?

Well, THIS episode will solve that problem! Check out 101 things your family can do together. Some are aspirational and will take focused attention (#72) while others are easy to accomplish any day of the week (#28, 33, or 83).

Here's the list for easy reference.

1

Have a Photo scavenger hunt - (Example here)

2

Moms - Let your daughter do your hair or makeup

3

Play hide and seek

4

Memorize the lyrics to a song that you can all sing together

5

Have a pet and let the kids name it.

6

Shoot baskets in crazy ways

7

Use every single Lego in the house to build something

8

Rearrange the furniture for movie night

9

Let the kids cook dinner (and tell them you love it!)

10

Make friends with the neighbors and bake them treats!

11

Plan secret missions and execute them together (donut drops, balloons)

12

Go fruit pickin' together (strawberries, blueberries, apples) then make dessert!

13

Have coloring book nights

14

Conduct entire conversations using nothing but GIFs for an entire day (bonus for a week)

15

Have "team day" where everyone dresses head-to-toe in the team colors

16

Let the kids show you how to get somewhere... (airport, school, grocery store)

17

Deconstruct an electronic device and figure out how it works.

18

Sleep outside

19

Cook over a fire (s'mores count, but try hotdogs too!)

20

Explore your hometown and let different family members pick the places to go.

21

Let the kids pump the gas (or wash the car windows)

22

Make sure everyone knows how to sew buttons on their shirts!

23

Keep a list/jar/book of blessings

24

Let your kids plan an entire day when you travel

25

Draw pictures on each others hands

26

Use nicknames as often as possible

27

Go to a midnight showing of a favorite movie franchise

28

Have a burping contest

29

Find a way to help some friends anonymously (rake a yard, wash their car...)

30

Illustrate a book IN the book ... make your own illustrations

31

Edit a family video together

32

Dog sit (or HORSE sit for bonus points)

33

Dance party! (duh...)

34

Create a chalk/white board for inspirational/encouraging sayings (here's ours)

35

Speak with an accent for an entire meal

36

Bring cookies to your local fire or police station

37

Let your kid run your workouts!

38

Pray at meals where the kids lead

39

Create family collections (bugs, tickets, spoons, etc.)

40

Geocache!!! (This is a GPS scavenger hunt - link here)

41

Ride a train or subway for no purpose except to ride!

42

Watch Singing in the Rain -- then SING in the rain ASAP!

43

Listen to a podcast together and talk about it.

44

Have a running joke.

45

Find a public place where you can spray paint together (legally!) - go crazy

46

Do the target challenge -- to find the MOST interesting thing for under $3 -

47

Stay for movie credits and look for a specific, random name. We look for "Carl.”

48

Make your own bread, pizza, and ice cream at least once.

49

Watch Elf once a year and quote every favorite line together every single time.

50

Plant something from seed and watch it grow. Bonus points for a mystery seed!

51

Save a baby tooth and show your older kids how it dissolves in soda.

52

Build at least one piece of furniture for your home.

53

Put lights up outside.

54

Hike a local trail.

55

Serve a meal in the form of a face.

56

Host a guest from a foreign country.

57

Start a water balloon fight on the last day of school.

58

Save the wishbone from that roasted chicken, dry it, and then make a wish!

59

Have a TV show you watch together as a family.

60

Buy a canvas and paint something - hang it in the house.

61

Serve dinner by candlelight monthly.

62

Once a year work a puzzle together.

63

Jump into a pool/lake/ocean with your clothes on!

64

Wear a costume out in public when it's NOT Halloween.

65

Tell a story a fun about the grandparents at dinner.

66

Surprise each other with balloons.

67

Put a note with a favorite treat into each other's lunch.

68

Celebrate a random holiday (Flag Day, Earth Day - for us Guy Fawkes w/ bon fire - MLK jr day with photo scavenger hunt) with customized family traditions

69

Go doorbell ditching (to friendlies!)

70

Have a whipped cream fight (preferably with another family!)

71

Sponsor a child thru compassion international (and write letters!)

72

Visit all 50 states

73

Decorate each other's doors to celebrate personal victories!

74

Each breakfast for dinner on a regular basis

75

Listen to an audio book on a long drive

76

Have a secret handshake

77

Race popsicle sticks down the gutters on a rainy (no lightening) day.

78

Create family award night during "award season" (Jan - March) - and customize your own awards for things like "best performance in an awkward situation" or "best spill..."

79

Go to a local high school event - play, sporting event, concert BEFORE your kids are old enough to actually attend said school

80

Take 10 year old trips

81

Invite the neighborhood over for a potluck (everyone brings a dish) -- set up on the driveway if necessary!

82

Read a book out loud together. Take turns reading chapters for older kids or picture books for younger kids

83

Spend an evening playing the Wikipedia game (link here)- also see EP# 10

84

Plan your own 5K and make t-shirts

85

Have "classic movie nights" with the parents showing kids their favorite flick.

86

Let the kids introduce the parents to their favorite video game.

87

Read about a different culture then visit a restaurant that serves that food.

88

Have a family pedicure night - complete with foot soaking!

89

Explore a new part of town on a rented bike

90

Do a regular family service project in your community

91

Plan a board/card game night

92

Allow the kids to plan and serve the grown ups with a menu they design - and serve - and be sure to light the candles!

93

Bake AND decorate sugar cookies WITH sprinkles

94

Have a non-device day and just see what you can do with boredom!

95

Wash the car together and end with a water fight!!!

96

Invite the neighborhood out for a competitive game of kick the can.

97

Spend a day on the beach building sand castles and then celebrate when the waves crash them in!

98

Produce a family and/or neighborhood talent show.

99

Have every person print out a favorite picture from the previous year and make a collage on canvas or wood.

100

Play "punch bug" - slugging OR tapping each other when you see a VW beetle

101

BONUS - make a habit of taking family jump shots together - tag w/betweenparents

 

Also remember…

We are on Facebook! If you like the page you’ll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast

Have you left a review on Apple Podcasts (formerly know as iTunes)? This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with Apple Podcasts, Overcast, and Stitcher, and TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon’s Alexa), Between Parents is now on SoundCloud! You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents

Thanks for listening and sharing this podcast with your friends!

Aug 29, 2017

What if you had to summarize your life story in a few brief statements – what would you say? Consider the headlines of your life; milestones that rise to the level of being noted. What if you were to reverse engineer your life, how you raise your kids and the way you treat your marriage based on the milestones you want to hit? In today’s episode, Billy and Joy talk through four things to consider for your family's story.

Talk about this:

First - think about your story - how do you describe the milestones of your life? What do your sentences sound like?

NOW - talk to your spouse/friend/small group about the aspirational sentences you want your spouse/kid to say about your life.

Think about the categories about how you spent your time, attention, and resources.

Also remember…
We are on Facebook! If you like the page you’ll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast

Have you left a review on Apple Podcasts (formerly know as iTunes)? This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with Apple Podcasts, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon’s Alexa). You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents

Jun 27, 2017

In this episode Billy & Joy discuss the fact from the blog post, The Tail End, that points out that by the time you graduate from high school you will have used 93% of the face-to-face time you have with your parents.

Feel free to re-read that sentence. Doesn’t that stop you in your tracks?

What are the implications to this fact? Get the conversation started with this episode.

Talk about this: 

How intentional are your priorities? What needs to change?

In what moments, environments, and practices does conversation & connection flourish? When and where is it a challenge?

Imagine that moment your kids pack up and head to college. What does that moment look and feel like if it is regret-free?

Related(ish) Links:

Shoe-tossing as per Wikipedia

Tim Urban blog post The Tail End

Tim Ferriss interview quote.

Calendar Countdown apps here.

Also remember…
We are on Facebook! If you like the page you’ll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast

Have you left a review on Apple Podcasts (formerly know as iTunes)? This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with Apple Podcasts, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon’s Alexa). You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents

Thanks for listening and sharing this podcast with your friends!

Jun 20, 2017

By the time we reach adulthood everyone has fully developed Operating Systems. These systems are the way we engage with the world in a kind of reflexive manner. They are a well-crafted blend of nature AND nurture and are perfect for achieving the results we are currently experiencing. But because these systems operate in the background, we don’t always recognize what’s working and what’s not. In this episode Billy and Joy tee up a few ideas for identifying our systems and for getting insights into our blind spots.

Also remember…
We are on Facebook! If you like the page you’ll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast 

Have you left a review on Apple Podcasts (formerly know as iTunes)? This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with Apple Podcasts, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon’s Alexa). You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents

Thanks for listening and sharing this podcast with your friends!

May 30, 2017

Have you ever heard of a nameless team…or of a team without logos, colors, and songs? These are common tools used to identify groups, to rally individuals and to galvanize fans. When you see people sporting a particular mascot on the back of their car, you learn something about them. In this episode, Billy and Joy talk about the importance AND the process of creating a family identity.

Talk about this:

What's stopping you from creating a family identity?

What is your process to hone in on your values? When and where will you do it?

How will you display and celebrate your values?

Related link:

Here’s an example of the truth wall mentioned in the episode. (Click here)

Also remember…
We are on Facebook! If you like the page you’ll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast

 

Also have you left a review on iTunes? This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with iTunes, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon’s Alexa). You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents

Apr 4, 2017

“Happiness begins where selfishness ends.”

John Wooden, the legendary UCLA basketball coach and all-around leadership guru made this astute observation years ago. In this episode Joy & Billy talk about the impact selfishness has on marriages and parenting. After all, don’t we all want to get our way, to be first, to win? What does it take to live selflessly? While you won’t find all the answers here (far from it!), you should find plenty of things to think about and discuss with the people you “do life with.”

Related(ish) Links:

Read about the amazing High School kid who did nothing but praise fellow students on social media HERE

Talk about this:

Identify the threats -- In what environments/scenarios/seasons do you tend to become most selfish?

Identify situations where you’re most likely to be selfless.

Finally, practice doing something selfless this week – either individually or as a family.

Also remember…

We have a new Facebook page! If you like the page you’ll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast 

Also - Please leave us a review on iTunes. This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with iTunes, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon’s Alexa). You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents

 

Feb 15, 2017

Getting your kids to eat three meals a day can be stressful. How do you manage to get the right things into their bellies? On this week’s podcast Billy & Joy move beyond the two biggest factors (Environment & Modeling) and talk strategy.

This is the list… (listen to the episode for full context!)

1 - Recognize cycles -

2. Continue exposure

3. Don't make it a battle

4. Plate the family food - this helps w/#3

5. Use a variety of names for

6. Enlist their help

7. Let them help in the meal prep.

8. Praise tastings!

9. Season separately

10. Leverage unique things their friends eat

11. INVEST in your skills -- 

Related(ish) Links

Are kids are hardwired to like certain foods? Check out this study.

This article describes how kids are more likely to taste and respond negatively to bitter foods.

Talk about this… actually, this week just try something new! Let us know what you discover! 

Also remember…

Please leave us a review on iTunes. This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show.

Along with iTunes, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon’s Alexa). You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents

Feb 7, 2017

With Joy out of town this week, Billy “goes solo” and shares some of the best and favorite advice he’s received from men who’ve walked before and beside him. Gals, feel free to listen in, but this one is especially designed for the men. A quick recap of the The Big Five (so far) 1. Make a study of your spouse, your family, and yourself. 2. Invest into all your roles fully. 3. Guard your time. 4. Be a protector. 5. Build community As always, we'd love for you to leave us a review and share this podcast with others.

Jan 10, 2017

#16 – 8 Questions For A Great Marriage This Year

Do you make New Year’s resolutions? How about at the office, do you set annual goals? People expect to make evaluations and think about how to grow in these areas, but it’s not always common to consider how to make our marriages better.

In this episode, we give you a few questions to ask each other to get any year off to a great start.

These aren’t all encompassing, but they should get you thinking. And remember, to watch your pronouns…this is a “we” discussion!

The 8 Questions

Evaluate what’s past…

  1. This past year did it seem like we controlled our schedules & money, or did our money and schedules control us?
  1. How well did we communicate with each other this year? What needed to be said more or less often?
  1. What are some of the best decisions we made to improve our marriage? What decisions should we have made differently?
  1. What were three of our best and challenging moments together this year?

Plan for what’s ahead

  1. What must we do to control our schedules & money, so they won’t control us?
  1. Which key people will we listen to for marriage and family advice next year? What specific plans must we make to ensure that happens?
  1. What do we need to START and what do we need to STOP doing to help our relationship? 
  1. What will we do to “nurture romance” in our marriage?

Odds & Ends….

Along with iTunes, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon’s Alexa).

You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents

Dec 20, 2016

If you have more than one child, you know siblings are going to fight. Sometimes the conflict is short and inconsequential, others times...well, it's not.

In this episode Billy and Joy talk about goals for parents and kids for handling disagreements and managing three phases of conflict well.

Take a listen and, more importantly, talk to others about what you hear!

Related (ish) Links

Mattress and cars don't go together!  Exhibit A - - here!

If you want more than Joy's passing guess on the Socratic Method, check here

Thanks for spending part of your day with us.  Remember to subscribe and leave a review!

Also check us out on Instagram at Between Parents

Nov 15, 2016

Every relationship has its tensions, but hanging with your in-laws has its own brand of intensity. While dynamics can vary wildly, a few basic principles can help any situation. In this episode Billy and Joy talk about a handful of “best practices” which are great foundations for healthy in-law relationships.

Related (ish) Links 

Earl Gray is NOT English Breakfast Tea

https://blog.yourtea.com/earl-grey-vs-english-breakfast-tea/

Play the game – can you hear Mack, the yellow lab? He goes on a rolling escapade in the middle of recording ignoring all the pleas of our sound engineer (Billy).

 

This is a good article about the importance of trying to be empathetic

http://www.wsj.com/articles/why-you-should-have-more-empathy-1462210724

Boundaries are your friend! This is our favorite writers on this topic are Henry Cloud and John Townsend

https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Kids-Children-Control-Their/dp/0310243157/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1478795238&sr=8-5&keywords=boundaries

 Please subscribe AND leave a review on iTunes. It really helps others find us! 

Nov 1, 2016

When life gets full it’s easy to slip into maintenance mode and drift into isolation. But isolation is terrible for our marriage and family. In this episode Billy and Joy talk about why we avoid being in community, why it matters and how we find connection with others. 

Related(ish) Links:

The Jeep Wave – it’s a thing

 http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Jeep%20Wave

No one describes the shame issue better than Brene Brown. You should watch her TED talk here

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame?language=en

Or pick up her book Daring Greatly

 https://www.amazon.com/Daring-Greatly-Courage-Vulnerable-Transforms/dp/1592408419

 “If you don’t have time to do it right, when will you have the time to do it over?” 
John Wooden

Tim Ferris Podcast

http://fourhourworkweek.com/podcast/ 

“You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with” Jim Rohn

Talk about this: In your world, who is where you want to be? What are the tensions you face that you would want to ask them about? Make a plan to connect!

Oct 21, 2016

Are you taking your child on a airplane? Do you know someone who is about to travel with a child? 

Do yourself (or them) a favor and listen to this podcast where Joy & Billy discuss some best practices for flying with little ones. (Hint: success is all about your pregame preparations)

 

Related (ish) links:

Would you rather?

https://www.rrrather.com

Teaching kids to show respect

http://joyphenix.com/blog/teaching-your-kids-how-to-show-respect/

 

Thanks for tuning in!  Please leave a review and share with your friends!

Oct 12, 2016

Welcome to Between Parents!  

 Parenting isn't easy and many people feel stress with their kids, tension in their marriages, or isolation from community. In this first episode Billy and Joy introduce themselves and discuss what listeners can expect from this podcast. The goal for these chats is to create starting points for parents to broaden their inputs and raise ideas which prompt helpful conversations between parents. (See what we did there?)

We'd love to hear from you.

You can reach us 

joy@joyphenix.com

Or follow on twitter

@joyphenix

@billyphenix

More importantly, download another episode and/or subscribe to add more input into your parenting adventure!

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