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Between Parents

This podcast is a dialog about challenges and opportunities parents face as they raise kids, enjoy marriage, and live a purpose-filled life. These honest conversations give parents fodder so they can talk to each other, be encouraged, and recognize they aren't raising kids alone.
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Now displaying: 2016
Dec 20, 2016

If you have more than one child, you know siblings are going to fight. Sometimes the conflict is short and inconsequential, others times...well, it's not.

In this episode Billy and Joy talk about goals for parents and kids for handling disagreements and managing three phases of conflict well.

Take a listen and, more importantly, talk to others about what you hear!

Related (ish) Links

Mattress and cars don't go together!  Exhibit A - - here!

If you want more than Joy's passing guess on the Socratic Method, check here

Thanks for spending part of your day with us.  Remember to subscribe and leave a review!

Also check us out on Instagram at Between Parents

Dec 13, 2016

One of the more emotional events for many parents is the process of heading back to work. Joy and Billy have navigated those waters for years and discuss managing guilt,  the importance of having a family strategy, and establishing boundaries with your employer.

If you are walking this path, take a listen!

Related (ish) Links:

YKK padlock zippers are are thing... they are called key lock sliders.

http://www.ykkfastening.com/products/types/s_zipper.html

And, for the record, Joy DID receive a key for the beanbag. (Thanks Salesman Doug - - if that's your name!)

I love Shonda Rhimes take on being a working mom. If you haven't read A Year Of Yes, it's worth your time. 

Talk About This:

What internal (family) priorities and practices we need to establish before heading back to work?

What external (employer/employee) expectations and boundaries do we need to have in place in order to make the new dynamics work?

Dec 6, 2016

You get on an elevator and run into some friends who are about to have a baby. They ask you for your best advice before you get to the lobby. What do you say? What wisdom do you give at a moment’s notice?

In this episode Billy and Joy offer five elements of their elevator pitch and while it’s not a complete list (we only have 20 floors in this imaginary building!), but it’s a start! Hop on board…

Related (ish) Links and Follow up

Words you like to say, Words you hate to say… 

Chilean

Cattywampus

Cucamonga

Fastidious

The origin of the Mike Tyson quote is: “Everyone has a plan until they get hit.” was explained in the Sun Sentinel

"People were asking me [before a fight], 'What’s going to happen?,' " Tyson said. "They were talking about his style. 'He's going to give you a lot of lateral movement. He's going to move, he's going to dance. He's going to do this, do that.' I said, "Everybody has a plan until they get hit. Then, like a rat, they stop in fear and freeze.' "

The correct Taylor Swift song is… Never grow up… lyrics here. Joy is still embarrassed she missed this! 

We talk more about community in episode #7. Link is here

The exact Stephen Covey quote is "Begin with the end in mind" and is one of the principles from the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. 

The fabulous proverb Billy mentions is Proverbs 22:6

Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it. 

 

Talk About This:

How is what we are doing today helping us leading us to where we want to be tomorrow? How are our decisions now leading us to where we want to be.?

Ask people whose families you admire, what their elevator pitch is for parenting.

If you haven’t left us a review yet, wait no longer!!! Head on over and give us 5 stars (thanks!!! It helps)

Nov 29, 2016

Even when we know feedback strengthens relationships, in a marriage it’s easy to give input out of anger, at the wrong time, or to avoid the process entirely. In this episode we discuss practical steps for getting feedback from your spouse and how this process can strengthen your relationship.

Related (ish) Links and Follow up

CHICK-fil-A (emphasis matters) - But if you listen to the Oxford dictionary, maybe Joy is more right than wrong!  (What do you think?)

http://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/us/pronunciation/english/chick-fil-a

A blog post outlining much of this talk is here:

http://joyphenix.com/blog/the-awkward-date-night/ 

Finally, as promised, here’s a list of the sample questions we discussed on the episode:

Sample Questions:

  • If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?
  • Have I done anything to hurt you recently? If so, what?
  • Do any of my friendships make you uncomfortable?
  • What’s one thing that I do that bothers you that I don’t seem to realize?
  • Is there anything that you’re nervous to talk to me about? If so, what?
  • In what ways do you ever feel disrespected by me?
  • In what ways would you like to change our level of emotional intimacy?
  • In what ways would you like to change our level of physical intimacy?
  • In what ways do I cause you to feel unloved?
  • Do you have any secrets that you’ve been afraid to tell me?

Remember to end with a couple of positive questions.

  • What do you think we are doing well?
  • What do you love most about our marriage these days?

Bonus family questions (as mentioned)

  • What could I do to be a better parent?
  • What could I change to make our relationship better?

Talk About This:

This week is all about talking through the questions above. Please GO for it!

 If you haven’t left us a review yet, please do so!!

Nov 22, 2016

Whether you have intentionally set aside family connection time OR you have found yourself waiting together in an unexpectedly long line (coke freestyle machines, I’m looking at you!), make the most of the time by playing together. Today’s conversation is about some of our favorite, (mostly) mobile games that give you the opportunity to laugh together.

Related (ish) Links

How many hours does the average dog sleep?

http://www.petful.com/behaviors/how-long-dogs-sleep-average/

Algorithm a la Urban Dictionary…

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=algorithm&defid=8162210

Squiggly (make a picture) game

http://joyphenix.com/blog/keeping-dinner-fun/

License plate games

This post describes the license plate game along with a bunch of other road trip games.

http://joyphenix.com/blog/on-the-road-again/

Compliment game

http://joyphenix.com/blog/the-compliment-game/

Telephone on paper

http://joyphenix.com/blog/playing-telephone-on-paper/

Make up a story

http://joyphenix.com/blog/table-games/

https://www.storycubes.com

Wikipedia challenge & Storytelling

http://joyphenix.com/blog/home-date-night/

Pee Chee folders (Did you have these growing up?)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pee_Chee_folder

Drawsomething

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Draw_Something

Tensies

https://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=tensies+game+rules&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8

Talk about this:

Tell us about your favorite games!!!

 

Nov 15, 2016

Every relationship has its tensions, but hanging with your in-laws has its own brand of intensity. While dynamics can vary wildly, a few basic principles can help any situation. In this episode Billy and Joy talk about a handful of “best practices” which are great foundations for healthy in-law relationships.

Related (ish) Links 

Earl Gray is NOT English Breakfast Tea

https://blog.yourtea.com/earl-grey-vs-english-breakfast-tea/

Play the game – can you hear Mack, the yellow lab? He goes on a rolling escapade in the middle of recording ignoring all the pleas of our sound engineer (Billy).

 

This is a good article about the importance of trying to be empathetic

http://www.wsj.com/articles/why-you-should-have-more-empathy-1462210724

Boundaries are your friend! This is our favorite writers on this topic are Henry Cloud and John Townsend

https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Kids-Children-Control-Their/dp/0310243157/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1478795238&sr=8-5&keywords=boundaries

 Please subscribe AND leave a review on iTunes. It really helps others find us! 

Nov 8, 2016

We don’t always realize both our kids AND our parenting are traveling through predictable stages. In fact, we go through the phases not once, but twice. In this episode Billy & Joy go through each stage so you will can recognize the challenges and realize that the "deja vu" you're experiencing is completely normal!

Related (ish) Links:

Backmasking a la Wikipedia 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Backmasking

The famous Farrah poster… you don’t need a link do you? How about this one to switch things up?

http://www.thebarbiecollection.com/celebrity-dolls/farrah-fawcett-doll-v7161

Subliminal messages

http://www.neuro-vision.us/wordpress/subliminal-persuasion/do-subliminal-messages-work/

Growth Stage – Stephen Glenn

Glenn’s most popular book is Raising Self Reliant Children in a Self-indulgent World

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0761511288?_encoding=UTF8&isInIframe=0&n=283155&ref_=dp_proddesc_0&s=books&showDetailProductDesc=1#product-description_feature_div

The book with the stages isn’t currently in print, but you can read the material on google books here:

https://books.google.com/books?id=5jA0CIc-E3QC&pg=PT23&lpg=PT23&dq=stephen+glenn+child+development+stages&source=bl&ots=Y8oJ-Tm5ot&sig=RytZNv5B18ns_L2Fo3bnMomx2t0&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjlh5vBn5jQAhVKNSYKHbzsAEIQ6AEIIjAB#v=onepage&q=stephen%20glenn%20child%20development%20stages&f=false

 

 

The Three Stages 

Cycle One

Discovery - Age 0-4

Testing Out – Age 5-6

Concluding – Age 9-12

Cycle Two

Discovery - Age 12-14

Testing Out – Age 15-17

Concluding – 17+

 

Talk about this:

Evaluate what stage your children are in and ask yourself what work do I need to do to make this stage better?

Thanks for listening! Remember to subscribe to Between Parents and leave a review on iTunes and share this podcast with others.

You can find us @betweenparents on Instagram and on twitter @joyphenix and @billyphenix

Nov 1, 2016

When life gets full it’s easy to slip into maintenance mode and drift into isolation. But isolation is terrible for our marriage and family. In this episode Billy and Joy talk about why we avoid being in community, why it matters and how we find connection with others. 

Related(ish) Links:

The Jeep Wave – it’s a thing

 http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Jeep%20Wave

No one describes the shame issue better than Brene Brown. You should watch her TED talk here

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame?language=en

Or pick up her book Daring Greatly

 https://www.amazon.com/Daring-Greatly-Courage-Vulnerable-Transforms/dp/1592408419

 “If you don’t have time to do it right, when will you have the time to do it over?” 
John Wooden

Tim Ferris Podcast

http://fourhourworkweek.com/podcast/ 

“You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with” Jim Rohn

Talk about this: In your world, who is where you want to be? What are the tensions you face that you would want to ask them about? Make a plan to connect!

Oct 21, 2016

Are you taking your child on a airplane? Do you know someone who is about to travel with a child? 

Do yourself (or them) a favor and listen to this podcast where Joy & Billy discuss some best practices for flying with little ones. (Hint: success is all about your pregame preparations)

 

Related (ish) links:

Would you rather?

https://www.rrrather.com

Teaching kids to show respect

http://joyphenix.com/blog/teaching-your-kids-how-to-show-respect/

 

Thanks for tuning in!  Please leave a review and share with your friends!

Oct 21, 2016

Why do we raise our family the way we do?

What influences us most?

In this episode Billy and Joy discuss the importance of digging into how our past is impacts our family, even subconsciously, and why it can be a problem. We’ll talk about paying attention to the “smoke” in our family and giving ourselves permission to live differently.

Related(ish) Links:

The whole nine toe story

http://joyphenix.com/blog/lessons-in-disobedience-forgiveness-consequences-through-a-missing-toe/

Ellie’s birthday campaign explained in her own words

http://joyphenix.com/blog/ellies-charity-water-13th-birthday-campaign/

If you want to learn more about Charity Water, go here

http://www.charitywater.org

Thanks for checking us out! Remember to subscribe and leave a review!

Oct 21, 2016

 “It’s not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship
that makes unhappy marriages.”

F. Niechze

Do you remember when you were first married and you felt good about connecting with your spouse? You enjoyed evenings together, having adventures, and in-depth conversations…then something happened.

For many people the “something” was having kids.

In this episode Billy and Joy talk about a couple of very practical (and admittedly unromantic) ideas for prioritizing your marriage.

 Related(ish) Links:

Smoothie straws really are fabulous (especially when they are clean!)

https://www.amazon.com/Assorted-Colors-Smoothie-Straws-Pieces/dp/B01JQJYAM4/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1476478914&sr=8-3&keywords=smoothie+straws

Joy’s written a bunch of posts on this topic, here are a few you might like.

Three reasons your marriage needs getaways

http://joyphenix.com/blog/3-reasons-your-marriage-needs-getaways/

Creating a culture of awesomeness

http://joyphenix.com/blog/how-to-make-marriage-awesomeness-a-reality/ 

A little more encouragement for scheduling a babysitter!

http://joyphenix.com/blog/you-absolutely-need-a-date-this-weekend/ 

The short, fabulous book, When Work and Family Collide by Andy Stanley

https://www.amazon.com/When-Work-Family-Collide-Cheating/dp/1601423799/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1477060882&sr=1-1&keywords=when+work+and+family+collide

Thanks for listening! Remember to leave a review on iTunes and share this podcast with others.

 

Oct 14, 2016

Disagreement and tension SHOULD exist between parents and kids.

Where there is friction, there’s an opportunity for learning. Where there’s tension and disagreement, there’s an opportunity to develop emotional intelligence in our kids.

If you’re like us, you probably don’t like the idea that conflict is a necessary part of parenting. In this episode we’ll unpack an article by Lisa Damour which shifted our perspectives on why conflict is a good thing.

Related(ish) Links:

Caramel – there’s more than one way to say this word INCLUDING keeping the second a silent!

http://blog.oxforddictionaries.com/2015/06/9-pronunciation-arguments-you-can-stop-having/

Carmel by the Sea doesn’t have the extra “a” but it DOES have fabulous beaches!

http://www.wikihow.com/Organize-Your-Backpack

The article we are discussing today by Lisa Damour is here

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2016/03/16/the-best-way-to-fight-with-a-teenager/?_r=0 

My more detailed review of Lisa Damour’s book, Untangled

http://joyphenix.com/blog/book-review-untangled/

And if you want to read the book for yourself (and you should!), here’s the Amazon link

https://www.amazon.com/Untangled-Guiding-Teenage-Transitions-Adulthood/dp/0553393057/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1476475657&sr=8-1&keywords=untangled

For the record…Joy missed a word that Billy clearly understood!

Ne’er-do-well

http://www.dictionary.com/browse/ne-er-do-well

Remember to leave us a review on iTunes!

 

Oct 13, 2016

Wouldn’t it be great to have gauges on our kids telling us how we are doing? Wouldn’t you love to know if your approach to raising kind, healthy, and wise kids was actually working?

We all crave measurement and feedback, but the input in slow in coming. In this episode Billy and Joy talk about the temptation to drift toward things with numbers. They discuss questions we might ask ourselves about what we really value and offer reminders about dangerous comparisons.

Related(ish) Links: 

How to hang a roll of toilet paper: 

http://mentalfloss.com/article/67036/proper-way-hang-roll-toilet-paper

A far too lengthy Wikipedia post about toilet paper:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toilet_paper_orientation

Salad Days – it’s a thing

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Salad_days

How to properly pack a school backpack

http://www.wikihow.com/Organize-Your-Backpack

 

Thanks for joining us! 

Oct 12, 2016

Welcome to Between Parents!  

 Parenting isn't easy and many people feel stress with their kids, tension in their marriages, or isolation from community. In this first episode Billy and Joy introduce themselves and discuss what listeners can expect from this podcast. The goal for these chats is to create starting points for parents to broaden their inputs and raise ideas which prompt helpful conversations between parents. (See what we did there?)

We'd love to hear from you.

You can reach us 

joy@joyphenix.com

Or follow on twitter

@joyphenix

@billyphenix

More importantly, download another episode and/or subscribe to add more input into your parenting adventure!

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